Ranting Details

Wonder Boy (Rough 1st Draft.)

So here is a really rough beginning to some lyrics (or poetry) that I have been working on. Started in History class and just finished. Would love to hear any comments or suggestions that people have. Sometimes it makes sense in my head only to find that when others read it it is not quite as clear. Anything would help!


I’ve always been taught
To have expectations
It’s what takes me from day to day
But what happens when you expect expecting
Just to wake up and find
It’s gone away?

I’ve been dormant for a while now
Hibernating
In the city that doesn’t sleep.
Stagnant,
Pounding pavement
That won’t budge
Won’t help to lead me
To the destination I never reach.
Never reach.

Four AM; just the other night
I’m waking
From running fast in my dreams
Was hitting every spot
Learning
Finding everything
That when I’m awake I’m not.
Looks like I forgot
What I planned out to be.

I always had my sights set
On breaking borders
Never taking,
Only making orders.
But in the past two years
I’ve lost that voice inside my head
Saying stop pretending
Life is never-ending
And get your ass out of bed.
I’ve got wonder boy,
Wonder boy fear.

Wonder if I’ll be a wonder
Not for lack of reason though
Once I stop walking on a treadmill
I can finally just get out and go
Find the places I envisioned
Back in my parents kitchen
Drawing doodles after school
Ten years old, believing I was cool.

Where’s that sense of self-esteem?
That sense of living not just dreaming
Dreams.
It left the minute
I stared success in the eyes
Once I had to make a new goal,
Find a new prize.
Once I had to wander.

I always had my sights set
On breaking borders
Never taking,
Only making orders.
But in the past two years
I’ve lost that voice inside my head
Saying stop pretending
Life is never-ending
I’ve got to expect again.
I’ve got to wander
Out of wonder boy fear.

Wandering to wonder
Wondering to want
And all the while
Just waiting for that revelation
That hasn’t come.
It won’t come;
It’s here.
It’s in me.
I have to become
A Wonder.

I’m a Dancer. Not a Stripper.

You have not experienced rowdy New York until you attended a midnight showing of the cult classic masterpiece "Showgirls". That's exactly what my friends and I did last night. After a day of watching protests and rehearsals we then attended a farewell party for an old director of ours and then headed off to the notorious ABT hangout; the Russian Samovar. It was huge group of dancers there all going slightly crazy but we had bigger and better things to do.

Being a HUGE fan of the movie "Showgirls" when I found out there was a Rocky Horror type showing of it going on in the East Village I knew I had to be there. We headed downtown and upon arriving at the theater were greeted by a variety of drag queens accompanied by gay New York. We made it into the theater and sat second row right in front of the makeshift Volcano set that had been built to do a recreation of the show Nomi dances in during the movie. The pre-show started and was hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in forever and the drag queens impressions of the movie (including a sketch of two drag queens lip-synching to their own voices reciting movie dialogue) were spot on. While these were some of the more manly drag queens I have ever seen, the audience was eating it up and I think everyone wished they would have kept going throughout the whole movie.

We were encouraged as an audience to shout out our favorite lines, talk back to the screen and basically were given the keys for a free for all. That's exactly what we did. Our group got so loud that we even had a couple of "shut ups" thrown our way but in the end I think that we really brought the level up quite a bit. The front few rows were most into yelling at the screen such gems as "thanks darlin", "its a versace", and my personal favorite from a few rows back during the pool sex scene "fish out of water Nomi!". The pool scene was our cue as an audience to turn it into "an all out rock concert" as the drag queens instructed us to.

Before the movie a parade of drag queens, drag kings and for some reason a young woman with a giant Troll (you know the troll toys from the 90's) mask on who was referred to as Troll-y entertained us. She attempted to hump everything in sight and as promised everyone who bought a large popcorn got a free lap dance. Right before the movie started the entire group of drag queens and characters flocked out to the audience and maniacally lap danced anyone they could. Included here I have a few pictures and while none quite do the night justice you can still get a glimpse of the now legendary Troll-y.

Marching (without marching) In New York.

Yesterday was a day that couldn't have happened anywhere but here. New York City threw me a curveball by giving me a double whammy of true New York Experiences. For a week that had been seemingly endless and monotonous for EVERYONE that I know, this was exactly the kind of day I needed to spice things up. Where to start?!

Well first off it was a beautiful day, one of those that makes a person jealous that everyone else is out enjoying Saturday while we are working. I walked up to work through Union Square and pushed my way through the farmers market attempting not to look around to much because I knew I would be tempted to just relax in the park instead of going into class. As I walked up Broadway barricades lined the streets and police were beginning to make their way into view. A handful of people were beginning to congregate and had many anti-war posters scrawled with slogans mocking the Bush administration. Ah! Just what I love to see walking up to work. I couldn't help but think that I had never seen anything like this when Clinton was president but as my friends and I later concluded; Republicans just aren't the marching protest in NYC type. Oh and the miniscule detail that Clinton isn't crazy. While at 9:45 there were maybe twenty people gathered, the barricades hinted that much more was to come. So I proceeded into work and made it through class.

As class ended I walked out of the studio and heard a swelling roar pulsing from outside. The studio I had been in was devoid of any street facing windows so for the past hour and a half I had been sheltered from what was going on outside. Upon entering the lounge I could hear drums pounding and the noise of people chanting in unison. The dancers all started gathering by our lounge windows which face out onto Broadway and staring with a passive sense of urgency. Yes this was amazing what was going on outside but because of our work restrictions we could do nothing about it or join it in any way. Apparently the protesters had been so loud that in the other company class many dancers were unable to hear the teacher and music. Not something that happens too often. Our rehearsal was moved to the secluded studio so we could work in peace on our Orange County program. Little did I know that by the next time I viewed the crowd it would have multiplied yet again.

The next time I looked out over Broadway it had turned into a full fledged protest march. There were dancers in death costumes, people in giant Bush costumes holding signs that said "impeach me" and people of every age marching for whatever causes they were adamant about. Alejandro and I decided to sit out the window and try to show our support in the small way that we could. People quickly saw us and kept waving trying to get us to come down. I thought about how great it would be if I just told the powers that be that I had to go and do it....I wanted so badly to be a part of it but couldn't.

So much visible protest was something I had never seen in person before. It seems like something that only exists on CNN; not outside of my window. As I sat in awe watching so many passionate people I was just struck by the fact that all this outcry may have no reflection in the actual regime of the Bush administration. It saddens me to know that it might have all been for nothing. Was it though? Or is it just enough to KNOW that you have gone out and spoken your mind? I imagine that must be an extremely liberating thing showing such unified passion towards the government. Being able to look around and know that so many people feel just like you. As so many rights seem to be in jeopardy recently, its amazing to see freedom of speech being so loudly visible.

This was a moment that made me proud to be a New Yorker even if I wasn't out there with them, I felt things that I hadn't realized before. For such an organized example of New York's passion and freedom this was only the beginning. New York would prove to be even more amazing later in the day but this time in one of the rowdiest displays I have ever witnessed. Get ready for the Showgirls.

Sorry about the picture quality. Only had my phone to capture it this time.

The Threepenny Operatic Tragedy.

Tonight I went to the show that I had been waiting to see all season. "The Threepenny Opera" at the legendary studio 54. Was it because I had been so excited that I was left feeling so cold by this bizarre production? Quite possibly, but I also think that yet again it just reiterates the point that I talked about when I saw "The Wedding Singer" and "The Drowsy Chaperone".

The state of musical theater is such a mess right now that even with a piece that could be (and has been before) so stunning and powerful, the powers that be are messing it up. Instead of allowing any hint of subtlety or nuance to exist in the show the point is constantly being spelled out and hammered into your brain. People don't present puzzle pieces in mass entertainment anymore, they just present a prepackaged answer.

We understand from the beginning of this show that it is about corruption. It asks us to think about who REALLY are the corrupt people in society? The criminal underworld or the seemingly harmless elite? Has TV and pop culture spawned all humans into creatures that cannot put 2 and 2 together but instead must have the answer flashed in neon in front of them? I certainly hope not. I would rather leave a show slightly confused about its meaning than confused because it was being pushed so hard. Corruption exists everywhere, it did back when this show was written in 1928 Germany and it does in 2006 New York. If you didn't know it already then let us parade corporate logos across the stage in a kick line to show you just how screwy things are.

Screwy is a good word to describe the evening. Like any of the reviews I have read state, it is almost a crime how under-used and/or misdirected the cast is. Nellie McKay (one of my current favorite people) basically plays herself; an aloof young woman particularly malleable to the hands of the people around her. While her Judy Garland-ish sing song speech and warbley voice are distinct it all becomes a little one-note by the end of the three hours. And speaking of misused talent....Cindy Lauper barely exists in the show. She comes onstage for about thirty minutes total and makes a good impression but never really gets the chance to go anywhere with it. Her voice is a bizarre powerful instrument but most of the time she just squints her eyes and basks in the glow of her teased hair and pushed up tits because that is what she has been directed to do.

Sexuality is one of the controversial things about this production. Wallace Shawn has taken the original text and done a new translation. It seems more though that he just spruced it up by throwing "fuck", "vagina" and "dick" wherever he possibly could. Is this to prove to us that sex has such an illusive power over the world? That it in itself presents the seeds of corruptions by being essentially the seed of life? I have no fucking clue. Ah there I go Wallace Shawn-ing my own sentence. Because once again, it is a fairly empty gimmick. By the time a go-go boy comes floating down on a neon horse throwing glitter at the end I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

As much as I gripe about it I still found much of it to be enjoyable. Particular moments had some inspired staging but most of those moments for me came when the cast sang in unison and stood still. Nothing was being driven in at that point but the material. Cory asked me today why I spend so much money going to shows. I told him its because it makes me happy and I have always loved it. The money is an unfortunate expenditure but I suck it up and fork it over. Why then am I second guessing myself so much lately? My faith is slowly diminishing in Broadway today and nothing so far this year seems to be proving me wrong. The culture we have created seems to (here is my Johnathan Franzen rant of the day) be dumbing us down. The creative team behind some of these shows that are being created MUST know better right?! Oh well, I will just go put some Sondheim on and go to sleep.

The Pumpkins Have Arrived.

Well its not Halloween but ABT was taken over by giant pumpkins today. Rehearsals are in full swing for the new(ish) production of Cinderella that we will be debuting at the Met this year. Its been fairly laborious learning it but it has done one main thing for me and that is that it makes me itch to choreograph. Witnessing a slightly more modern take on a ballet plants some seeds in my head about what I would like to do someday. Just thought I would take a pic today to show the lunacy taking place as the clock chimes.

I am still learning so much about how to push the choreography out of my brain and into the world. I will be lying in bed at night and suddenly a surge will take over my brain and I will see something and then the next minute is gone. How am I supposed to work with that? Can't my mind slow down at some point, just a little bit? It's like trying to catch fireflies.....flickering one minute and then darkness the next. My new goal with the choreography is to get some sort of skeleton of a piece ready by next fall when we are (supposedly) having a showing at LIU for the ABT/LIU students. Chances of that actually materializing are rare but it helps to have some sort of deadline set in my mind.

This week is national "turn off your TV" week. So who wants to join me in attempting this? It has been pointed out VARIOUS times to me that I watch FAR too much television so I think this could be a good thing for me. Now I might have to cheat with movies....but as far as actual television shows go, from here until next Monday I am quitting. I wonder how long I will last.

Spring is Here.

Well the weekend is over and it is back to work. Sometimes I have such mixed feelings about going back to work...partly because of the work environment and then partly because of the outside environment. I love so much about work but it can get monotonous and when spring is here it is hard to be contained in a studio all day. I am sure people across the city are wrestling with this annoyance too. I guess I should just be happy not to be stuck behind a desk all day and to have the chance to be in a studio moving.

So for a blog today I thought I would just post a few pictures of some stuff that struck me when I was walking this weekend. Sometimes I feel like such a loser pulling out my camera to take pictures of such random shit but then the pictures end up pretty and I forget about the oddness. So here are a few ushering in the change of season.

The Disintigration of the Blog and Blog Photo Shoots.

So I do not know what has gotten into me this week. All I know is that I have been spending enough money to feed most families on a daily basis and have nothing to show for it. Cities have a way of literally eating your money as the day progresses as if you were shredding it up. Well I can't say that I have nothing to show for it, just nothing physical. I did spend a lot of quality time with people that I hadn't hung out with in a long time. There were several Uno's dinners and many rooftop conversations that made me laugh harder than I have in recent memory. I felt like it had been forever since I had hung out with Lara and Blaine and Daniel and this was much needed time.

There are certain people that you know will always be in your life and sometimes you take that for granted (do you like me pointing the finger at the illustrious "you" when I really am referring to myself?). I have always had a hard time being a truly good friend to everyone. I tend to gravitate towards several people and without knowing it leave another set of people out. It has nothing to do with my love for one or the other, I am just really bad at managing friendships sometimes. I have struggled with working at this over the past years yet at twenty years old it is still something I am wrestling with. For someone that is such a loner in many respects it is easy for me to simply go days without hanging out with anyone. This has gotten me working on some new writing this week which probably explains why I haven't blogged as much. The new set of lyrics I am working on deals with expectations placed on yourself and the struggle of maintaining self expectation when the world around you has stopped placing them on you. I guess that is part of being an adult and self-motivating. Procrastination does not agree with me and still I find myself doing it all the time. I will get this done tomorrow, I will call that person tomorrow, I will get off the couch and create some other day. Its that seed of laziness that creeps into everyone at some point that I am trying to banish. That is what this song is about. Now it may seem like I am about to put this online for everyone to read but that is not the case. It's not ready yet.


I also just received an email saying that in the fall there is going to be an opportunity for students in the LIU/ABT program (the college program that I procrastinate my way through) to present choreography at a theater on that campus. This is exactly what I need. A deadline to make myself really get this choreography going. I have still not progressed past the 40 seconds that I have done so far and I really don't even like that stuff so much. It might be back to square one for me.

Tonight I am going see some new choreography that I am very excited about. It's a collaboration between Stephen Petronio and Rufus Wainwright. I saw this choreographers work last year and was intrigued by it but this program tonight is the kind of thing that would be MY dream collaboration. An original piece of work by a pop music writer with more artistic flair than all of pop radio combined. Keep your fingers crossed. I will post about it later.

Well it's off to Blaine and Lara's for brunch now! I feel like I have been living uptown this week! Craziness!

P.S. would like to do a little shout out to a new fellow blogger. Of course this site that David is going to be blogging on is MUCH higher profile than my little production here but check it out. Should be developing in the following weeks!
http://www.thewinger.com

The New ABT Ad.

So I took this picture a LONG time ago, but I was looking through my album today and came across it again. I took this at our end of City Center Party at Emerald Inn. A truly wild night where the bartender happened to get a hold of one of our shirts we were toting around. One of my favorite pictures I've ever taken.

A Six Feet Under Day….and Some Pictures!

Well its almost been a week since I posted, and I know that all of you are clamoring for more BS to read! As I am sitting here enjoying a little Six Feet Under Marathon. I don't have too much to talk about but the one thing that everyone needs to know is NEVER PICK UP A HITCH HIKER! If you have seen Six Feet you know what I am talking about. It's an incredible show but this season that I am in the middle of is a complete contradiction to the weather outside. It's dark and gloomy while the weather outside is incredible sunny and prompts you to kind of forget about life for a few minutes and just enjoy. Definitely NOT the Fischer family.

Easter has come and gone and my Easter weekend was fairly un-holiday-ish. Took a really long walk the other night for about two hours around the village and Soho and had some of the best people watching experiences in a long time. The juxtaposition from the East side to the West side was kind of startling and funny. On one side you your hipsters and on the other you have a little bridge and tunnel action on a Saturday night. I was amazed at all of the amazing places to eat and was once again reminded of how much I under-utilize this city. Which prompted me to start writing something for the first time in a long while. I have decided that this piece of writing I want to take time to work and rework instead of just writing it and then filing it in my pile of crappy first drafts. I went to a new coffee shop tonight around the corner from me. So nice to have a new huge coffee shop that ISN'T starbucks. And to add to the happiness there was a really hot guy working behind the counter who was being a bit of a flirt. Hmm....might have to become a regular there. Some graffiti for you to enjoy from my walk.


My actual Easter night was spent at Craig's doing a little celebrating and the night was capped off by witnessing a little riot action in Times Square. Our cab stopped on 42nd street as people flooded off of the block in a horde of teenagers running everywhere. Some were laughing while others looked genuinely scared. Cops were everywhere and one had just been beaten up. Makes you realize that even when you gentrify and Disney up Times Square there is no escaping the rowdiness that is magnetized to 42nd Street. I heard there was a stabbing and some gang fighting going on which prompted the closure and lock down of the street for the evening. Kind of unheard of but a nice "welcome to New York" for all of those families leaving "The Lion King." Here is my papparazzi pic of David and Craig from the party....random but I enjoy it. The picture above is a little elevator self portrait by David Long Arms.

INCREDIBLE LYRICS.

Well, I have been a fan of the show "Sunday In The Park With George" since I was about five. I remember vividly my mom giving me the video and soon becoming obsessed. Today I was walking through my neighborhood and this song came on. Stephen Sondheim has such an incredible way of getting to the center of the emotion, stripping it down and putting it into words. If only we could all be so articulate. I understand that for most of you who haven't heard the actual song it might not induce such a strong reaction, but I think that even without the music they lyrics are incredible.
(I have taken a few blog liberties and edited it so it can be read more easily....it is two people singing to each other. But you will get the idea.)

Move on...

Stop worrying where you're going-
Move on.
If you can know where you're going,
You've gone.
Just keep moving on.

I chose, and my world was shaken-
So what?
The choice may have been mistaken,
The choosing was not.
You have to move on.

Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be-
Look at all the things you've done for me:

Opened up my eyes,
Taught me how to see,
Notice every tree-
Understand the light-
Concentrate on now-

I want to move on.
I want to explore the light.
I want to know how to get through,
Through to something new,
Something of my own-
Move on.
Move on.

Stop worrying it your vision
Is new.
Let others make that decision-
They usually do.
You keep moving on.

Look at what you've done
Then at what you want,
Not at where you are,
What you'll be.
Look at all the things
You gave to me.
Let me give to you
Something in return.
I would be so pleased...

Just keep moving on.
Anything you do,
Let it come from you.
Then it will be new.

Give us more to see...