Ranting Details

Nellie McKay and the Day Off.

There is a whole world (probably more like 100 worlds) of New York that I will never even come close to experiencing. I can at least try but where do I start? What exactly is there that I am missing? We all exist in the routines that we create and repeat and repeat and repeat; building a sort of comfort that is hard to break. As I take the subway each morning to the Met I already see myself viewing familiar faces and taking the same stairs and curving around corners at the same angle. Of course now is probably the worst time of year for me to be worrying about trying new things seeing how hectic life is at the moment, but when I walked around downtown the other day I was craving to explore even through my exhaustion. I went to the designers market and watched all of the young artists peddling their merchandise, pushing boundaries and attempting to say something with their designs. Then last night I experienced the incomparable Nellie Mckay at Joe's Pub.

I had seen her perform one time before but this time was different; more intimate, and somehow more desperate. For those of you who don't know her she is one of my favorite singers, a mix between jazz, rap and pop running the gamut in many ways lyrically and musically. She is notorious for forgetting her lyrics (which there was a little of) as well as speaking her mind (which there was a lot of) but what she personified was the idea of channeling your brain into your art. In the world of contemporary pop it is almost impossible to find people doing things differently and showing any attention to the lost art of melody and lyric writing. She focuses all of her energy into these two aspects of her music and sitting behind her last night watching her fingers pounding the keyboard with such intensity every aspect of her body was oozing devotion to her mind. This seems to have become problematic as she hinted at in her rants about strained relationships with her Threepenny Opera co-stars but I find myself admiring the fact that she speaks her mind. There is no doubt in my mind that she must be hell to work with but when the result is so electric I can't help but skip over that downfall. I highly recommend that everyone go and buy her CD as quickly as possible. It frustrates me that someone as talented as she is can't seem to find an rabid following in this confusing pop music landscape we have created. Radio friendly seems to be all that can really carry success these days.
The easy way out seems to be what people want most of the time instead of the subtle nuances of art. How does this change? Whether it is dance, music, or film complexities are not admired as much as I wish they were but Nellie McKay personifies the kind of complexity that needs to be celebrated.

On the subject of complexities this next week is sure to be a muddle of them. Teching Cinderella while doing Petrouchka is going to be tough, but I will make it through. I feel as if my blogging is getting a little neglected and incoherent but I promise to get my mind back together once this week is up!

The Beginning of Sensory Deprivation Overload.

Met Season is now officially underway as the first run of Corsaire comes to an end tonight and Stravinsky is born tomorrow. It has been a long week to put it most bluntly and strange one. Venturing into my third Met Season I was anticipatory but also knew that it would be a different type of season than the past two. There is a sort of comfort that comes with having two seasons under your belt and that is both great and frustrating at the same time. I never like the idea of getting "comfortable" since in the arts world I feel like it has such a negative connotation. However there is a sense of pride in knowing your way around the building, reminiscing about seasons past and not being quite as nervous about the shows in general. The past three days have just been sort of lackluster though at least for me. I don't want to be stuck in any way in my life so I am working hard on avoiding that. I keep trying to push myself in class and work hard in rehearsal even when I am tired.

It's bizarre how exhausted everyone seems already only three days into our 8 weeks of insanity. Exhaustion just comes along with being inside the cavernous Met and being deprived of the outside world for stretches up to ten hours at a time. On top of that it seems as if everyone is fighting off a cold at the moment (myself included) which can't help anyone. The next week brings Stravinsky Spectacular and along with that comes the ballet Petrouchka. For the boys this is the hurdle to get over during the season. Using our legs in a way that is never expected of us on top of doing other ballets each night is going to be a challenge. Some people haven't even really had the chance to get the material under their belts due to the fact that they learned it a mere week ago. Looks like it should make for an interesting string of performances.

While the Met magnifies physical stress it almost acts as Petri-dish for drama as well. Some people you go without seeing for what seems like weeks while others you are living closer to than you would ever wish. Gossip flies, speculation begins and people get bored. I have been struggling a lot recently with learning when to just keep my mouth shut. We have all been in the position where we say "you can tell me, I won't tell anyone" knowing that we absolutely will turn around and tell someone. Not necessarily out of spite; it's just human nature. Finding the people that you can trust is a never ending struggle in life but I just know that I want to be someone that other people can trust. It's harder to act that than to write it on paper though (or in cyber space as it is now). Will all of the stress that is beyond our control during this Met Season, I figure I might as well not act as an instigator to anything else. There are bound to be enough unexpected turns without me prompting anything.

The First Met Gala Shot.

So I just got home from Met Gala and I am exhausted (funny seeing I did barely anything but still a long first day). Instead of going into a long post tonight I thought I would just post a couple of pictures from the night! More on it all later! The first pic of Michelle Wiles in her $50,000 (on loan) Isaac Mizrahi dress twirling with the theme of the night.....whorey mardi gras feathers. The second is a picture of me and the boys of my row....Daniel and Blaine! Fun times.

Random Writing.

Don't have any idea where this came from but I just sat down after the shower and wrote it. Can't really decide if I like it or not or even if it makes any sense right now. Thought I would put it up though, see what everyone else has to think.

I’ll point out all my problems in you.
I hope you don’t mind,
I know its kind of rude
But its just my time to let loose my arrows
And you, my friend, are my target.
It's like I’m looking in a mirror
That can only shatter
Every time I do this…
I can remember after
As I look at the disjointed pieces;
But my bow is pulled taught and releases.
It’s easy to admire the startling nature of a mess.
But I’ve never been one for self-admiration, so
I’ll point out all my problems in you.

28.

Here is sonnet 28. of Shakespeares. Might take a couple of times to get into it, but its beautiful.

How can I then return in happy plight
That am debarred the benefit of rest,
When day's oppression is not eased by night,
But day by night and night by day oppressed,
And each, though enemies to either's reign,
Do I consent shake hands to torture me,
The one by toil, the other to complain
How far I toil, still farther off from thee?
I tell the day to please him thou art bright
And dost him grace when clouds do blot the heaven;
So flatter I the swart complexioned night,
When sparkling stars twire not, thou gild'st the even.
But day doth daily draw my sorrows longer,
And night doth nightly make grief's length seem stronger.

Tonight I was searching around in a new book of Shakespearean sonnets that I bought in Orange County. As I flipped through the pages finding them filled with talk of love and loneliness there were so many that were beautiful (as if I needed to say that) but this one really stuck out. Something about the imagery that he creates with the personification of day and night is so unusual with the way they almost come across as tyrannical rulers of ones self. I know it can seem that way at times for everyone but I feel like this just captures the pain so vividly. Oddly enough I am in a great mood tonight! Nice to be able to admire the anguish of this without having to feel it first hand.

5 Days Until Met!

Well I cannot believe it but that time of year has finally come. The eight weeks of love/hate with the Metropolitan Opera House are quickly arriving. In all truth it ends up flying by but there are definitely moments when rehearsing in the dungeon around the 3-5th weeks that we all start to get a little stir crazy. I didn't even realize how close it was until casting for the first week went up the other day. Looks like it will start off fairly light for me but I do have to learn a new part before I perform it next Saturday. Nothing too major (Drunkards in Petrouchka) but still stressful seeing I will probably have about three rehearsals before then. Ah well! Something slightly exciting about going into it just a little blind.

One thing that I always get frustrated with when Met comes around is the fact that I can't really experience anything else the city has to offer. It's a lot of down time at Tower Records, Barnes and Noble and the 68th Street movie theater but no real time to go and see a show or meet up with friends. Sacrifices are part of the job though and all of my complaints are really just minor things.

In the last week I had some friends come stay with me from Michigan. It was great having them here even though a little stuffed in a studio apartment with three people. We went out one night, but other than that just enjoyed each other's emo talks and bummed around. The highlight of the week had to be Benj and Justin's debut at Joe's Pub. For those of you who don't know these two boys, never have I been so sure about the following statement, don't worry because you will soon. A song-writing team going into their senior year at Michigan, these boys are oozing talent and no where has that been more obvious than at their sold out show the other night. It was so nice to see the range of styles that they are able to accomplish with their writing and to observe the development of lyrics. At the concert there were many Broadway names singing the songs and the different age range and experience of raw fresh talent and the old pro's was great to see under one roof. It seemed like such a healthy and supportive learning environment. Even though I don't know the boys too well I still was so proud of them.

On my end of things I have just started working on a new piece of writing as well which I will try to have up within the next week. Its a sort of exploration of a person struggling with the ideas of love. Something that has a universal application but can vary so much from person to person. Looking for love vs. relaxing to find love. So often when you are searching for something your mind plays games with you, convincing yourself you have found it when really you may have not. There is a sort of desperation that I feel in the tone of voice which my peers use when we discuss relationships. A majority of my friends are single and I think we all struggle with accepting the time tested phrase of "it will happen when you least expect it". So it's in the ROUGH stages now but something to play with as Met Starts.

Got into the studio for the second time the other day and came out a little frustrated. I am feeling at the moment that the movement that I am working with is just so mundane. In my head I have these great ideas but like I said before I just struggle so much to get them out. Just gotta keep pressing on.

The picture up above is from the other night when we were out. I think the eye sums up the feeling of the whole company right now on the verge of chaos. Here we go again!

Songs YOU Need To Download…..5/11/06.

Here are a couple of songs the (two or three) people that read this should download IMMEDIATELY! Really great stuff.

Promiscuous-Nelly Furtado
irresistibly catchy new single from her album. Potentially viewed as selling out but in my eyes she can do no wrong.

String Quartet No. 3 In F Major, Op. 73: III. Allegro Non Troppo- Shostakovich (played by Emerson String Quartet)
Selection I stumbled upon LATE (4 AM) the other night on iTunes. Intense, tango-ish, beautiful. Makes me want to dance every time I hear it....and I plan on choreographing to this at some point.

Who Knew-Pink
I know, I know, its Pink. But then listen and you will find its way too catchy for its own good.

Cheated Hearts-Yeah Yeah Yeah's.
LOVE this. Karen O' is the new Gwen Stefani.

On The Bus Mall- The Decemberists
Gotta throw a little plug in for Leah's brothers' band. Great song, everytime I hear the opening it evokes such specific emotions. Transports you.

Honesty.

How is that we all go through lives without being really honest with each other all the time? People often take offense by hearing honest opinions when really it should be the other way around shouldn't it? Take for example a little scenario I was talking through with the girls of the corps this morning. Within the corps we should all be completely honest with each other and patrol each other. The way the corps is presented is the way we are ALL presented. One person being wrong lessens the entire product that we are working so hard to create. Yet when you walk around rehearsal and say you notice that so and so was doing the wrong arm during a certain part they often look at you like you have just run over their dog. This has to stop, not only in rehearsal but in life. Its just wasted energy.

I just got off a phone call with a friend where we just laid everything out on the table potentially avoiding a fight. In my recent past I would have turned to the next person and vented my frustrations for an embarrassing amount of time; wasted time. Instead we just need to tell the person that they are bothering us. Vent to them instead of some third party. Am I getting a little too preachy? Methinks so. If you are disappointed with someone or frustrated with someone....be HONEST. I hope that my friends are always honest with me about it. Otherwise what's the point? Does honesty just spurn insecurity? At first it may seem that way because its a much more vulnerable position to speak your mind than to bitch behind someone's back. Then you realize that you are being a coward and should be more insecure about that.

In other news...work is back in full swing. I have got to get myself in top shape but it seems that all of the company is a little manic at the moment. California had all of us feeling like we couldn't dance and then here we are back at home, back in comfort and suddenly things start to get better. BI-POLAR! Met is about to get into full swing but should provide some good pics for the blog. Always exciting. Speaking of, here is a picture I took on the subway the other night messing around.

The REAL OC.

Well its official. After years of thinking that Orange County was a place full of 25 year old teenagers drinking and beating each other up on the beach, I have learned it is not so. Where is Mischa Barton and her flask? Sadly vacant from the strip mall lined sidewalks that we view day to day. Nothing ever even comes close to the glamour of a Fox TV show, even the shopping mall which despite its high end stores looks very much like middle America. Of course being unable to drive and since I am on tour with a company of people that don't have cars it prohibits the views that we are taking in. While some company members are going out to clubs at night, I have been happy to go to Target and In n' Out burger. That's my idea of California right there. Takes me back to my childhood. I don't have too much to talk about but I thought I would do a little picture blog action today documenting the trip so far. Since it has mainly consisted of walking back and forth from the theater to Chick Fil A (heaven) there isn't too much to show. But here are a few!

The first night we were here we experienced a few locals at a party we attended. Being in a company this big, or going through life I guess, involves a fair amount of schmoozing. The night ended up being great though and I realized how much I like a lot of the people I work with. Here is a picture of Adrienne flying across the street due to the magnificent partnering of Aaron and Marcello.

I had a blast dancing the other night as well. Seems like it's been a while since that happened. We are in the midst of premiering Jeu De Cartes while we are here and its a silly but very fun ballet to dance. Here is a pic of me in my full Victorian dracula diva wig.

And finally....a picture taken by Mr. Daniel Keene of the final segment of Gong. A little blurry but still pretty cool. Until later.