10 Things I Hate About "The Dark Knight"

I don't know what my entire family was smoking, but we all went to "The Dark Knight" this weekend, and found little to enjoy in it.  Yes, Heath Ledger's performance is jaw-droppingly good (making you forget that you are watching a recently deceased actor, simply because the performance sucks you in so completely), but aside from that, I believe the movie has received far more praise than it deserves.  Here are 10 things that I hate about the movie (in honor of Ledger's American film debut).  I've got my batsuit on...I fully expect flame throwers from readers on this one.  (Possible spoilers below.)

1.    Christian Bale adopts a speaking voice when he is Batman that forces him to quiver his lips in such a way that he looks deathly afraid of smearing lipstick on his bat teeth.  It's so deep and gravely that it makes Alec Baldwin sound like a Girl Scout. 

2.    In a three-hour movie, we only see Bale shirtless once, and he’s sewing up a gash.  I don’t know about you, but when I go to Batman I expect Skinemax. 

3.    Harvey Dent (aka Two Face’s) makeup looks like a forgotten member of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” misfits.  I half expected Jack Sparrow to walk in.

4.    Speaking of, if I had been casting it, I would have put Johnny Depp in the Maggie Gyllenhal part.  I would have much preferred a boozy, mustached woman to Gyllenhal’s clichéd, teleprompter delivery. 

5.    Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman don’t get a make-out scene.

6.    Gary Oldman slips into his British accent as frequently as Maggie Gyllenhal slips into unflattering dresses. 

7.    Prince didn’t do the soundtrack.  I still can’t get enough of “Batdance” from the 1989 original.  Must we really have Hans Zimmer underscoring at every possible moment? 

8.    The movie should have been called “The Insane Clown,” as Heath Ledger’s performance steals the spotlight anytime he is on screen.  (Yes, it’s as good as the rumors.  If not better.)

9.    Katie Holmes doesn’t come back for revenge.  There should be an American Gladiator-style scene between she and Gyllenhal. 

10.    There is only one slow-motion running scene, and it is at the end of the movie, AND almost entirely in darkness.  The only thing that could make it better, would be if Bale was running, and then all of a sudden the camera cuts to the side to reveal that he has Pamela Anderson boobs, beneath his batsuit.  “Baywatch,” vs. “Batman.”  It’s totally the new “Alien vs. Predator.” You can thank me for giving you your next film idea, Christopher Nolan.

SO...AM I CRAZY?  DID ANYONE ELSE THINK IT IS OVERRATED? 

Comments

[step]

It's the new 'edgy' thing to ask if you were the only one who thought that. No. You were not. Guess what?! You're in the minority. This movie was the greatest thing since the invention of cheese.

[brunnheather]

oh Hans Zimmer... he needs a lesson in restraint. I loved "The Holiday" but cannot stand the excessive underscoring. EGADS!

[HL]

Heath Ledger sucked.

An overrated, self-indulgent method actor with a bad habit which got himself killed (accidentally on purpose, I'm sure.) And everyone acts like fucking Jesus died.

Ledger will not be missed, he was a stupid cunt and i'm sure he'll rot in method actor hell.

[Lucansas]

You've got some wonderful readers, Matt. Quite a following, indeed.

Asking a question of the audience is a conversational writing tool that was being used before Shakespeare. As for Heath... I'm sure what you say, HL, is a mere statement of opinion. However, no matter what culture you were raised in, disrespect for the deceased is crass, tasteless. "Self Indulgent," you say? Look at your own post. It was unasked for and unnecessary.

I really didn't mean to come on here and chide your readers, Matt. I swear. But I couldn't resist.

I found that while the movie makers might have been a bit self-indulgent expecting the audience to sit patiently through such a long, meandering story, the film was still engaging. Heath did steal the show - that much has been acknowledged by everyone I've spoken to - but Bale's character remained a compelling protagonist and the result was a film of a frenzied dichotomy - an intriguing dynamic, especially as we came to understand and even (god forbid) relate to the antagonist. The Dent/Two-Face character was unnecessary and therefore a flaw - but it, along with a rambling story line, was the only major flaw in the film for me.

that's my two cents.

[Joanna]

11. Not enough Cillian Murphy.

[step]

I agree with Joanna.

Also, Heathus Christ is going to be angry at you for that comment, HL.

[Blake]

Yes! I totally agree with you...but I think other people will hesitate to think badly about the movie because of Heath's death. I don't think that's disrespectful to him because his role was completely genius, it was the over-plotted movie that wasn't.

[Timur]

I will watch it soon and give a full report on why you're wrong..... ;)

[Vivian]

Thank God I'm not alone. The canonization of Heath is causing a huge push for a movie that is well done, but not the film we are being made to believe it is. Fans are just too much with this one. This fangirl almost had her comic geek card revoked for my views. :)

[Jim]

I haven't left a comment in a year but I had to say somthing on this one...I understand the opinion that the positive movie reviews of DarkKnight may have been inflated due to H.L.'s death, but I also offer the opinion that the seeming backlash of negative reviews or shortcomings of the film are simply a direct result of its success. I really have a hard time understanding why people can't just sit back and enjoy a movie for what it is. Does everything have to be Citizen Kane? IMO This movie has set a new standard for summer films, and the storytelling and acting I thought were very high level...But, as my mom always says...you can't please all the people all of the time...